You can't special order awesome
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Randomize
