Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
