is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
