if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize