What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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