No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
