I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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