You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Someone came in the potted fern
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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