hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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