After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
