google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think I sprained my soul last night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
