I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
