i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
