"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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