she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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