The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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