she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
