Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
