I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
