I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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