tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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