i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
