So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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