He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do vagina's smell?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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