Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
