I hate your face
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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