if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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