dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
