If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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