Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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