I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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