We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
