If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
