i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed