So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
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Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
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You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.