Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
