I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
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You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
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i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.