I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
