Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."

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  (925): He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods." http://tfl.nu/7kxl
  Replies (17) Good night (855) Bad night (2955)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!

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  (506): Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT! http://tfl.nu/lyyu
  Replies (3) Good night (820) Bad night (3621)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.

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  (724): I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes. http://tfl.nu/hea3
  Replies (18) Good night (963) Bad night (4095)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.

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  (908): Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner. http://tfl.nu/otz7
  Replies (36) Good night (16881) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless

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  (607): Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless http://tfl.nu/a84j
  Replies (20) Good night (5079) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.

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  (509): He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother. http://tfl.nu/97xz
  Replies (20) Good night (6236) Bad night (1296)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.

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  (248): i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it. http://tfl.nu/5a93
  Replies (5) Good night (2349) Bad night (946)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.

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  (303): I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf. http://tfl.nu/kj2s
  Replies (20) Good night (7086) Bad night (882)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.

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  (805): I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly. http://tfl.nu/8ih5
  Replies (45) Good night (10005) Bad night (1304)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.

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  (502): Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway. http://tfl.nu/fbtk
  Replies (14) Good night (3512) Bad night (968)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.

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  (801): Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome. http://tfl.nu/egsw
  Replies (12) Good night (1060) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.

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  (215): i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none. http://tfl.nu/avo6
  Replies (2) Good night (892) Bad night (360)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.

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  (781): My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning. http://tfl.nu/4mpl
  Replies (1) Good night (1137) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?

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  (586): Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right? http://tfl.nu/hfcq
  Replies (2) Good night (469) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.

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  (+44): What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful. http://tfl.nu/aeug
  Replies (3) Good night (519) Bad night (296)

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