I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
