Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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