She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
