Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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