Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
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I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm always down for nudity.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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