Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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