his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
