I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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