My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
