I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
