I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
