Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Umm I'm too high to move.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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