I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
