mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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