i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
