Jerry, you need to find god
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
