I got chris browned last night
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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