Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
