I'm jealous of your bromance
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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