I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
