y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
