The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
