I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
