Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
