shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
