All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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