bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it's not cheating when I paid for it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
