what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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