I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
23 Annoying things Girls Do When They’re Trying To Be Cute
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?