my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say