Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.