next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
