The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she smelled like a LAN party
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.