NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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