i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.