Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
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This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
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The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So much Jack, so little girl.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.