Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
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I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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