I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
