The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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