thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think my fart just growled at me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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