We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
