Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
