got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My bed smells like the plague
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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