i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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