so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
