P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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