I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
