see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
