I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i will never coherently bang her
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
