My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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