My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
