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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
