i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
