So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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