herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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